Becoming a Substitute Teacher: Part 2

I breeze past the Scan the QR Code to Check In signs and the front desk woman highlights my name on her sheet to check me in. A police officer ushers me to the elevator and presses 9. The doors open, revealing a scene straight out of Office Space. Cubicles, fluorescent lighting, and the rhythmic murmur of typing paint a familiar picture of corporate monotony.

Nicole, the front desk assistant, goes: “You’ll have to give me a second. I just moved my monitor and it’s not working. Go ahead and sit down and I’ll call you up. Did you fill out your I-9?” I replied that they had not sent me the link to that yet. She asks for my email and says to let her know when I complete it. I sit down, complete the short form in two minutes, and relay the news.

Another man is sitting there—a man in his mid-40s, dressed in a green, pilly sweater, worn boots, and a tired expression. He holds a 5 Star folder with dog eared papers spilling out including his birth certificate. Nicole asks him if he’s filled out his I-9. They repeat three tries of him giving his email address, sitting down, not receiving the email, and standing up until it works.

Nicole goes back to her monitor adjustments and calls me up in a few minutes. I’d like to say she was disgruntled to fit in with my theories of bureaucracy, but she was friendly. She takes my passport. I sign one physical form, then sit back down while she processed more paperwork.

The other man, now done with his I-9, asks if I’m substitute teaching. I strike up a conversation. He taught 6th grade math in Texas but since has been bartending. I ask why he switched back to teaching and he replies that he needs to get out since he’s now sober, that this is a fallback and it’s the only thing he’s qualified for. 👀

Turns out he is going to long term substitute for high school science this time. I ask what it takes to switch from math to science and he replies “Well, I have a degree in Biology but it’s all one day at a time. As long as I know what the next day will bring, that’s enough.” I feel sorry for him and also sorry for the kids he might teach just based on how passion isn’t part of the equation whatsoever.

Nicole is now done with my passport. Her glittery nails distract me as she walks through an onboarding instruction printout that I’ve already received a few days ago by email. She makes a colorful star next to the payroll section. The printout looks like it’s from an original word editor. A flow chart is diagramed out in English and Spanish with phrases like “Click on the magnifying glass icon to enter your routing number!” She wraps up and says I’ll meet with another person briefly.

Lania rounds the corner with a permanent smile and bright eyes and leads me a few feet away to a table. She heartily welcomes me to the district and says she just wants me to put a face to the name. I have no idea what her role is. She indicates eagerly that they need guest teachers and that the sooner I can start the better. She opens her notebook carefully and clicks blue on her color pen. “Now let me take down your information.”

As a software developer who has filled out 20+ forms for this organization with the same information, I can’t help myself. “I’m happy to provide it but this is likely stored in the district database at this point no?” She replies: “Oh yes, yes, but if I just write it down right now then I can email you as soon as I get back to my desk!” As she ultra-legibly scribes my information down, I get lost in thought picturing the last time I wrote on a physical piece of paper besides the form I signed a few minutes ago.

Lania asks what ages and subjects I am going to teach. I reply, “What am I allowed to teach?” She is confused for a second but seems so eager to have me there she nods encouragingly, “Well since you are a computer person perhaps something with computers!?” I purse my lips, “Ah yes certainly. Math and science as well.” Nodding, taking notes, nodding, stars, more nodding. It turns out I can signup to teach virtually any age or subject except special ed. I picture introducing myself to kindergarteners and it being the first time I’ve ever spoken to any kid that age. 😱

She then unfolds a large paper map of the school district and walks me through the geography of the district boundaries. I appreciate her friendliness, although I do note mentally that if the district onboards approximately 40 people a day, and she does this with each of them, I’m not really sure why her role exists.

The conversation wraps up. As I walk out she runs after with another supplementary map for me. I return downstairs to the security room and Greg takes my picture and hands me my badge. I’m a newly minted substitute teacher! Wild.

Takeaways

• People were more friendly than I expected.
• Things were as analog as I expected. It was honestly insane. Bonkers.
• I can’t believe I now can sign up to sub in any aged classroom with zero experience with children whatsoever.
• The other teacher was straight out of a movie. Not in a good way.

Next Step: Onboarding and Training